by juliusmsanz

To be addicted is a serious thing.

I’m going to share a bit of a personal story.

I’ve been a smoker for the past 15 years. Numerous times I’ve tried to quit but gave up after a couple of days, once or twice I managed to last for a week, and just one time I lasted 3 1/2 months, only to fall to one single cigarette. There was one time when, due to writing a book, I feared I had also become an alcoholic. Fortunately alcohol is no longer a problem and I’ve never dealt with hard drugs, If I had I wouldn’t be writing to you right now. So I’m going to talk about what I know. I’ve had people I know die of cancer because of smoking and it’s still not enough motivation. I’ll try not to preach, it’s not my place to do so, one starts what it starts, I had free will to choose to smoke and not to smoke when I started out. And I still have, it’s just harder to resist the urge to smoke after a long session of writing or in the early mornings when I wake up.

Did I ever tell you that I had pretty good endurance? That I wanted to be a runner? Yeah, that went down the damned drain. Now my hands have either tones of red or purple due to circulation and I feel like keeping my hands in perfect order. Numbness and that tingling feeling are bad enough. No big scare yet, but it is sure to come. And yet I find myself sometimes not caring. I know how much it hurts my body and yet I keep on going. Determination is seldom a bad thing, but it is nothing to cheer for in this case haha.

That is why an addiction is scary.

One stupid self dare was enough to have me back smoking like a chimney, one measly, stupid cigarette. It’ll just make sure how strongly committed I am – how the hell did I kid myself like that?

And now I’m thinking about quitting again. I won’t tell you to quit too, I won’t say all those cliché lines, what I’m stating is my personal desire to quit, my intention to stop making up excuses. I didn’t need any nicotine patches or any of the sort, I went cold turkey, and might try it again. If it works, fine. If it doesn’t work, if I smoke again after a couple of days then I’ll just have to try again.

Have a nice day!